“Puns are the highest form of literature.” – Alfred Hitchcock

“Punning is a talent which no man affects to despise but he that is without it.” – Jonathan Swift

My favorite pun of all time is:

I say it all of the time. Most of my kids do not appreciate my sense of humor. But there is one that you can tell is filing my jokes away to use at a later date.

My son has a unique sense of humor that sometimes makes me stop and wonder what I have been teaching him, and sometimes makes me pat myself on the back. The majority of the time he is a quiet kid that has people wondering if he is even paying attention to what is happening around him. But when he decides to open his mouth and say something it is always deliberate and usually funny.

Right now he is into puns and he usually leave me thinking that he really is paying attention to what is happening. Here are a few of the things that I have heard the past month that either had me groaning, laughing, or left me in awe wondering exactly how his mind makes connections.

• What president is the least guilty? Lincoln of course. He is in a cent.
• Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble! You have my Word!
• A steak pun is a medium well done.
• Did you hear about the car accident today? A truck ran into a car and crushed half of the driver. But don’t worry the driver is all right.
• Plateaus: the highest form of flattery.
• How do you plan a party for the moon? Planet.
• How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
• What did the buffalo say to his son when he went to school? Bison.
• Bakers only share recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Do you break into song if you can’t find the key?
• Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
• I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
• The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

And now you know why I am always asking myself, When’s My Vacation?